Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The Fulfillment of All Desire

It's a book, but the title really fits our last week, too. I'm only on the first chapter, but after reading the introduction, how to use the book and half of the first chapter, I am hooked. The Fulfillment of All Desire is amazing.  It is a spiritual retreat that one can take alone or with a group.  I think it will be a great addition to my spiritual journal, too. Fr. Groeshel gives the book amazing reviews. It starts off the same way as Opus Dei. We are all called to holiness. Through these readings and reflection questions, I hope to come closer to God.

Here is a quote from the book that I found helpful:  "...ultimately, it's not up to us to become saints. We don't make ourselves holy. God makes us holy. It is His work, not ours. All we have to do is ask for His help, be open to His help, and cooperate with Him as that help is given." 

For a few years now, I've felt like all I do is go through the motions. Not always... but it certainly isn't what it used to be. I BELIEVE everything the Church teaches and have faith that His will is perfect. I just don't always feel like He is working in my life.  Amid what I call "medical chaos", I've always been able to feel something or at least have inner peace. I feel like I've lost anything I ever had. Don't know where it went, of course.

I talked to a priest friend yesterday for spiritual direction. He used the analogy of an [old] golf ball. When you cut it open, there is a core covered in what looks like rubber bands. If you cut one of the rubber bands, then the entire thing unravels.  That pretty much sums up my life, except I have many things trying to cut those rubber bands simultaneously!  He suggested that I need to find out how to keep my inner core at peace even when the rubber bands are unraveling. Then suggested this book.  Aren't we all trying to do the same thing each day? Sometimes, I wonder if I'm trying too hard to feel something.  I don't think I do, but you know when we try too hard, we somehow miss things that are right in front of us.  I always say that God picked the wrong person for my life, that I'm not a saint and that I won't become a saint. I fail miserably at carrying my cross. Not for lack of trying, but rather I don't feel I do it well!

Matthew is back to normal and hopes to play in his games this Saturday (his team plays two games). Joseph is in a lot of pain. Bad headache Sunday and knee pain the last two days. He's had a difficult time getting around. Even Matthew felt sorry for him, so you know the pain is bad.  We've been battling with starting Neurotin, but God always makes things clear.  Thankfully so! I need to figure out how Baclofen fits into the picture, which will come soon enough.I know that God will make it clear.

We received a huge blessing last week.  Our pastor purchased a few of the boys' prescriptions.  We also had a few friends who wanted to help.  God really does provide for our every need. I know that He does. $359 in prescriptions this week!   Seeing the tangible evidence of it in our daily lives increases our faith and trust in Him.  When Chris was laid off for 9 months (many years ago), my mantra was, "God is preparing a better place for us." We continued to see God at work and providing for our every need.  It was amazing, Chris would get a contract flight and get paid just as our COBRA (insurance) was due.  God provided a better place for us-- he moved us closer to the boys' core group of doctors. We'd been driving a 3 hour round trip 3 plus times a week to see them, and God moved us 20 minutes away.  He moved us right where we needed to be.

You'd think that this would be enough for me, right?  Most days, it really is.  Other days, not so much.  I'm only human, you know.  Living with the boys constant medical issues can sometimes blind us to our many blessings. We do worry about how we will pay for medical bills,  prescriptions and trips to the specialists in other states. We probably shouldn't, but at the same time, God wants us working to take care of them, right?

In other news, I've almost finished creating our shirts for the Energy Walk for Life this Saturday in Charlotte.  Our team has raised $495 for the UMDF.  It will be a busy day. Up early, drive to Charlotte for the walk, then home for football games. One of the event coordinators asked me to donate a few cards to give to the doctors attending. I made five of my Mito Awareness cards.  I was honored that she asked me to make them!  It is going to be a great day!  We'll get to meet other Mito families and work with them to fund a cure!

No comments: