Progress

I'm making progress. I ordered a subscription to a magazine that I love. It's called Magnificat. I used to get it when my people were little. It has the daily Mass readings and daily prayers and reflections.  I thought it would be a good thing to help me get my spiritual life back in order. The oil thing is that unlike when my people were little, you can get the print AND digital subscription. Yay!

I also love "In Conversation with God". I have used those books since my first was born and I joined Opus Dei. I'm looking for ways to refocus my life on God.  I have been working nonstop to survive tor the last 8 1/2 years.....just trying to survive. I think I am okay now-- but like my therapist reminds me, getting out of survival mode is hard. Especially when you have been in survival mode since you were a small child. Quite literally. 

I am happy to report that I completed all the readings for March 1st. This is going to be a very productive Lenten season. I'm praying I can find the Pattie who converted and found Christ in college. Like I said in my last entry--I never stopped believing. It's just been difficult to be Catholic ...... I don't often miss Mass, even though it has been a very dry period. I am working on March 2nd and will be heading to Mass shortly. 

Marty is working nights right now. Every 3-4 months, his schedule changes. A few months ago, they started requiring managers to work every other weekend, as well. SO..... I feel like it is very easy for me to be lazy on the weekends he works. Yesterday morning, I cleaned up the basement and got it ready for the new rowing machine that we ordered.  The 2025 edition is out and the old version is on sale. We have wanted to add a rower to our home gym for a while.  I already had a bike and a treadmill when we got married.I still have an old weight system, too. I try my best not to be too lazy. But it is HARD. This past week, I worked a lot of OT.  Making my fitness goals is very hard most days. 

My goal again for 2025 is 2,500 miles-- walking, hiking, cycling or kayaking.  I'm hoping to keep my momentum. Maybe I can get in 3K miles-- it would be great, but I will be happy with 2.5K.

Goals for 2025:

• 2,500 miles- walking, kayaking, hiking, cycling
• Camp more
• Journal daily
• Write about my camping adventures
• Daily scripture reading
• Daily reflections on Christ

Blogging about it helps me hold myself accountable.  I like the quote from Carla on Cheers, "Catholicism isn't a religion for wimps."  So very true. Here's hoping 2025 is the year I break out of this dry spell......

Lent is Almost Here

Ash Wednesday is next week! I've been trying to get back into the swing of being Catholic. It may seem strange to say that, but I have struggled the last 8 1/2 years. Divorce and Catholic do not go together. I never thought that I would be a divorced Catholic, much less ever get married again.  My therapist reminds me that after the annulment, the Church sees me as never having been married. So, marrying Marty is technically my first marriage. (My therapist is also a Deacon in the Church)

This has been a hurdle for me to get over. I have prayed and prayed for God to help me get over this hurdle. I finally feel like I've put the last 8 1/2 years behind me. It was a nightmare that is now over. It takes a lot to get over a spouse who suddenly hates you and leaves-- especially when you believed in the vows you made before God. 

The holidays with my children and grandchildren were very hard. Every single time it was a reminder of our broken family. I'm okay now. God has shown me how he restores what is broken. 

"I will restore to you the years that the locust has eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmer work, my great army which I sent among you." ~Joel 2:25

Sean still lives with me after his graduation from College. He decided to stay when Marty moved in. Over the last 5 years, he and Marty have developed a really great relationship.  He and Marty have done car projects, projects around the house and enjoy going to the gun range together, as well. It has done my heart well to see this. In the first 3 years, I was happy that his best friend's dad helped with his resume and other things where a son might need the help of a dad. Sean and his best friend were here for me and praying when I started my dating journey 3 1/2 years after C left. 

All this to say that I have seen where God restores what is broken. I have developed a closer relationship with Sean through this trial. Every Sunday that we are home, we go to Mass together and on holy days, as well.  I also believe that I have gotten closer to my oldest son and his wife through this, as well. My youngest is a blog entry for another time.

While I never lost faith, I feel like I have been going through the motions for the last 8 1/2 years. I know compared to many crosses, mine are light.  I think it has been a dry period. I once told our current pastor that it has been hard to go to Mass seeing all the whole families - moms and dads with their kids. I felt like a failure and sometimes still do. It all stems from being a practicing Catholic and divorce being against my religion. I homeschooled my boys for 17 years using a devout Catholic curriculum and sometimes it feels like I have failed them. I never wanted my kids to have a broken family. Sighs.

What's this got to do with now? I want to do more than just go through the motions. I'm hoping that making a bigger effort to get out of the dry spell I've been in will help my faith life. I want to feel whole and normal again. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy and life is good. I've found a man who has taught me what it is to BE LOVED.  It is honestly my brain and I need to get back to what I learned in Divorce Care-- I need to go back and remember who it is that God says I am. 

For Lent, I am going to make sure to take time each day to remember who it is that God says I am. I want to reflect upon scripture and grow in His Word. Marty and I have also decided that we will also use Lent to do better with our diet.  With his type 2 diabetes we NEED to do better. It is hard to eat healthy every day, so we thought Lent would be a good time to get in the habit-- for Jesus. 

I know tat God can restore what is broken -- our spiritual life, relationships and even our health. I'm getting my house ready for the fasting and healthy eating and I'm going to find an app this weekend with daily Lenten reflections. 

Restore me, O Lord. 

I'm Back

It's been almost 9 years since my last blog post.  I am still here and I am still Catholic. 

On October 15, 2016,  we came home from my youngest son's last high school football game and thought we had been robbed. Chris said he had to stay home to work on my car, the better of the two cars we had at the time. He lied. He had friends come over to move furniture out.

At the time, I thought my life was over. After 24 years of marriage and being a devout Catholic, I wasn't sure what the future held for me. As silly as it sounds, I kept saying to myself, "You can't be Catholic and divorced."  I took my faith and my vows seriously.  Once he filed for divorce, I petitioned for an annulment and it was granted.

It was a long, hard road to get back on my feet, but I am happy to say that my life was just beginning.  I just didn't know it. I stopped crafting and writing- too busy with work. I was purely in survival mode. Looking back, I am not quite sure how I made it. God's grace and mercy are the only explanation. 

I focused on healing and remembering who it is that God says I am. The legal battle went on for almost two years. I went to therapy regularly, joined divorce care and started doing all sorts of outside activities--cycling, kayaking, camping and hiking. After the annulment was granted I started dating again. Boy do I wish I had blooded through that period. I met some crazies. 

Five years ago February 8th, I met Marty. I can honestly say that I never knew what it felt like to to be loved until he came into my life. I tell a little about how I met Marty on this post on my adventure blog here.  I had big dreams about writing these fantastic posts about all the places we adventured. Sadly, I work too much and between that and adventuring never find time to write. 

Why an adventure blog? My Catholic faith has never left me-- it is who I am. I think for the last 8 1/2 years I have been struggling to find my balance again. Marty and I did get married in the Church.  I think until recently, I have been stuck on being a divorced Catholic, though the annulment means Marty is my first marriage because the first was not a sacramental marriage.  I wrote this the other day: Ramblings of a Newlywed Mother on my adventure blog.  

Night before last, I was going through some old videos and realized this blog still existed, so I am going to try. to keep My Little Red Bike for Adventures and this for more faith related things and daily ramblings. I also still have my political blog, Catholic Tea Party Hippie. -- I haven't blogged a lot of the latter. It has been many years. 

I think I'm ready to start writing again.....

It is Finished

It's Good Friday and this is what I did in my journaling Bible today: