After we found out Joseph didn't have a sibling match, we decided to seek help. We'd already had five pregnancy losses, and wanted to see if there was anything the fertility doctors could do. We were happy with the number of children we already had and at peace with God's plan for our family. We'd always wanted a large family, but until we found out Joseph didn't have a sibling match, we didn't feel compelled to seek treatment. We knew we'd always wonder if there was more we could do to ensure Joseph had a sibling match, should Joseph need a bone marrow transplant. We found out in 2006, when doctors ran him brought he registry, that we were glad we'd given fertility treatments a try. Joseph doesn't have a match in the registry and our insurance no longer covers fertility treatments. (note: we only used treatments inline with Catholic Church teaching)
The treatments with oral meds were not very effective and we had several pregnancies and losses. Once we started the combination of oral and injections, it was not long before we found out we were expecting twins. We really felt like everything was going to be okay. The doctors assured us the combination of oral drugs and injections improved my luteal phase defect and pregnancy would go smoothly. Around 2 months, an ultrasound showed both twins with heartbeats. Precious. One twin had a slower heartbeat and doctors were not sure that baby would survive, but we had hope and kept praying.
Once a heartbeat is established, there is only a 2% chance of miscarriage. The doctors felt seeing the heartbeats was a good sign and transferred me to my regular OB/GYN. We went on Joseph's Make A Wish trip and things were really going well until a month later. I began spotting. After experiencing this same thing several years earlier when we lost Thomas, I was scared. I called and begged the doctors to get me in for an ultrasound. I couldn't wait until my appointment the following week.
The doctor was rude. He walked into the room and said in a sarcastic tone,"You just couldn't wait until next week, could you?" I explained that I'd had ten pregnancy losses at this point and no, I couldn't wait. He apologized when he ultrasound showed both babies were dead. At that point, it really didn't matter if he was sorry or not. Luckily, this time things went more smoothly and there was not a fight to keep their bodies for burial. We were blessed that a priest named Fr. Joseph came to the hospital. Our twins, Mary Elizabeth and Gary Christopher are buried here in Winston-Salem. We don't know if they were boys or girls, those where the names we chose.
It took me many years to recover from this (emotionally). We stopped fertility treatment after a few more early losses. We realized at this point that it probably wasn't God's plan for us to have a large family here on earth!